Try to find myself some sleep at 11 something but couldn't sleep. Get off thee bed and grab some water and donuts. Sitting on the dinning table, thinking about something went wrong. Hearing the beep of the car outside my window, people screaming and talking at the same time. The aeroplane are on the sky, passing through the condo. Something whisper to my ear and talking to myself. Thinking *Am I crazy? Is this what I really want to happen? I'm gonna lose someone I love most! I'm done, I'm finish. My fairy tales end here.* What ls could go wrong? Spill a million tears. My fingers are shacking and my brain is thinking. Thinking about dialing the number that I should have done early just now. But I'm afraid that I might fall to the wrong steps and make it more worst. I keep crying and try to scream but my voice are not out. Starring outside the street, wondering what have I done all this year. Realize that I'm not good enough for a boy who adores me. Realize that I'm just a person who gets caught up in the past and always try to move out from the life. It's nothing but a failure. A failure to him, a failure to me too! Just that my hearts keep pumping like I'm scare. Scare of losing someone that's really important to me. I'm just afraid that I might fall again. Feet are cold enough as my body temperature starts to get lower, eyes turns to red. Thinking about him right now. >> In my mind was: Can I get him back? Is he having affair with other girl or not? Am I going to be his mrs. in the future or not? Could I go so far in this relationship? Question keep pops out in my mind, answer remains unknown. Heart says keep positive and hold your head up high. Pray for something better. started to cry as I start to think again about the good and bad. Cursing for the bad, pray for the good. Here comes my situation again, repeat all over :/

Loser of the year, me :)

Here's I'am, In Sabah again. This time, I has no smile at all! Its the worst day I ever get. I need somebody to talk to! My boo and I had an issue about misunderstanding. He thinks that I don't love him anymore and feeling don't care. I can't say much but I let the God gives me some clue to solve this problem. I can't go on anymore. I'm worn out on my knees already. I have tired of pretending that everything is okay all this time. So, here's the truth. I had no where else to talk with somebody even my family don't give a thing about me. When I try to talk to someone else, they had an misunderstanding about the stories that I almost try to say. I had enough of the cold night this few days and I can't stand it anymore. I could scream and cry inside but I can';t hold my expression about how I feel today. This not a BEAUTIFUL day. I know this town has been decorated with Christmas tree but I'm not that smiling this year. I always hope that someday people b open minded with me. It's like my life was unfair! I was suppose to be a happy girl but this time, I'm the frowning girl. I will spill it out right now! I need someone to talk things out with open minded. People always had there backs supported but me, I always get the negative position. I end up being the bad guys among everyone??? Being left alone?? I'm pretty down right now and I was very hoping to have someone to cheer me up. But what can I say, I was too worried about what could have happen to me in the future. I need my annoying king now! But I can see that we had an issue, so I would just left it like that. Maybe it's the best if we leave it day way. Through out the year, I know I'm just somebody who finds life was nothing. I admit, I always give up in life>> always! << But what can I do? Tonight, I will be left out and handle this things all my own without any support on my backs or friend to tell. This is the real me. Person who likes to solve her own problems without telling people what happen. I rather be alone with my problems than busting somebody brains. * do not get this too negatively. I know you think your not the best for me >> Annoying king*

The king of mine ;)

Here's something we don't know about someone. I was having a blessing year when I was in 8th grade. I was afraid to tell the truth by that time cause I had someone but I never knew that I end up hanging with him through the phone all night until today. It happen when he started to annoyed me with no reason. It's like that is his thing he really love to do, ANNOYED PEOPLE! At first, I'm really the type of a quite person in class because I don't know how to fit in with others. I hang out with my only friend, kimberly. She's a lot of an athlete in our class as a golfer. For a while he annoyed me, I started to feel like having this weird feeling towards him. I try and try to resist the opportunity to be annoyed him back but what can I say, I annoyed him back. During my season of BETRAY life, my ONLY ONE that I suppose to be trust, promise to be together FOREVER has betray me with someone else but I just make things easy and let him slip slowly from my arms. Slowly and painfully, I feel like there's nothing to left and I just kept myself quite. Without telling anyone about it, I turn myself down to the annoying king. I told him everything what just happen in my life and so does his life too. We share a lot of same and different stories everyday. He was caring about me, talk me out of my problem and make me smile like a clown. I told myself from that day to be strong. At the end of my 8th grade, I was the happiest girl. I'm telling the truth, I smile and laugh a lot around my friends. Playing with pebbles, chasing with the annoying king. What a life! But when it comes to 9th grade, I was dead road. I cry for once in the phone telling his dumping me for a girl. As like my feeling my dreaming in thin air. The annoying king talk me out and told me that don't cry. Your such a baby! He make a fun of me but thou it was hard to smile, in the end I smile like a clown again! Until the day I found myself stuck with him in the 9th grade! Oh yeah, I remember back when we painted the class and you pretend to paint my side with your color. When I try to make a payback, you paint my arms with blue. Thou, we're in a mess but It makes everything clear. I'm happy to be my your side more than his side. You even spent most of your times with me, sharing stories with me and make me smile whenever I was in a sad season. Now, I get the whole picture that I really want to be with you. But who cares! I'm with you now!

sincerely, chelsea ;)

Dear Mr.F, We were friend before this. Nothing but an ordinary annoying friends. It was like yesterday we were a friend. I still remember I cry in the phone for advise. You told me not to cry and make smile like a children. I still remember how you poke me during studying, pulling my hair one by one? Its a hell back there but we manage to laugh together in the end. When you sit next to me, all I thought was revenge. But back then, I was been possessed by your perfection and your beauty. Your true colors makes me feel for you. During the school break, you did call me for many times and pretty much like the conversation. You give me a big laughter and when I hang up the phone, I smile myself and say "well done!". Days pass by so fast and the school break almost done. So, I thought maybe it's the right time for me to move forward. At the end of my text, I did wrote "Good night! I like you" or "bye! I love you". But you gave me no response but the words of "are you serious?". Hurts sometimes but it's okay. slowly, I'm tired of your no response and thinking there's no chance for us. So, I stop but I crawl back again to try on the January. I was single on the night of 24 January and you are there with me celebrating Chinese New year. Watching the fireworks together from our own place. I was hoping for it to be real thou but it's all a dream! oh yeah, I remember the day we went to paint our classroom. It's p-r-e-t-t-y AWESOME! A day before, you told me to wait for you outside. So, I did! But it's nothing happen. Now, here's what happen! I was painting the door at the back with red paint and you came along and take the blue paint. You decided to paint the doors too. But I was busy listening to the music and stressing my issue. You came with your paint and paint my area with blue! I was really mad cause I work so hard to make it look perfect. I take mine and paint your hands with red. We both had a revenge together but happy! Ahh, children! Now, what a story! A lot to write but maybe let memories be memories cause it won't change as it has written already. But nevermind, as long as I have you. I don't have to worried my *** off thinking what could go wrong. *positive thinking* sincerely, me ;) * I wrote this for a very long period because this stupid keyboard cannot work it's E correctly.

Life as a highway !

I was back on the board again with my cousin Hayley! But I have learn a valuable lesson about having someone important in life could be a big thing. My cousin just got divorced with her new wives a few months ago has bring me to a reflection towards myself. I never thought that something you never expected can happen just like that. My cousin just got married on the night of September but a few weeks later, he and his wives divorced for some reason which is private. He had to faced the whole thing by himself and get me involved with his cases! So, I help! Indeed, I know I'm too young to handle this type of case but it's okay to help. I knew that someone who is searching for the big light was always there. He told me, every person deserves a smile and a warm laughter from their heart.<<< Here I'am, once again.. feeling lost but now and then!I breathe it in to let it go. >>> That's Victorious theme song ! But as for me, I know it's nothing wrong to feel free underneath the sun and feel your skin burning. Me and my cousin lay down on this hill in the park, looking up to the skies. I did have some fun with him cause he was my only cousin from my childhood and I'm glad to have you as my cousin! We did break some rules at the park thou until the security chase us down to the car. Maybe I was a little soul free for that but who cares! I just wanna have some fun ;)

Let the sea set you free

People say that expressing your emotional by dancing, hearing music or play some music on your guitar could help you released your madness>>> but for me, I like to do such a weird thing like hanging upside down, playing on my Ukulele or read some empty pages?  But my dream in my life is I wish that I was a professional surfer someday. I just want to enter the Roxy contest if I have the chance! I wanna be one of the Roxy girl who they search forever!  She is one of the best surfer and a Malaysian too! She was my inspiration for me to be a surfer! I don't have to wait for scholarship or some random university to come in the future, I just wait for the beautiful waves come! That's my dream! Surfs in the middle of sea with the waves makes my soul feel the freedom without hesitate anything. Watching the movies of Blue crush and soul surfer makes me feel very confident towards my dream to be a surfer!>>><<< But it's ashamed that in Malaysia, It's so hard to find those waves. Like my friends told me, I could go from the beginning! I will start  from skateboarding after that I go for skim boarding. So that, I can chase over big waves in Bali! Just that, I really want to surf in Bali! It's a beautiful and awesome spot for a cliff diving and surfing! Even it's located in Indonesia but its okay! ;)

Friendship Part IV

It's a weirdnesday! Where weird truth crumbles down onto everyone and rumor spread so fast. The revenge is coming between humanity while the other side of them are gladly to forgive their mistake. I don't really know why and how can the conflict happens but somehow I know, they accuse me on something that I don't really did on that day. Which is people believe on my story by knowing that people don't believe theirs.

I started to give my cold shoulder to them during the fire drill but the next day, truth reveal soon as my other eye witness appear to be true. It was the judge of the week where people compare between me and her. It's a competition! We has not spoken since the conflict happen. What I realize is that a person who I can put my trust on has put my trust off to herself. Which is in the other side, we keep on being an enemy.

For a while, another rumor tag along. It involve between me and Kimberly this time. But this time, they blame for Kim about starting this argument between us. They said that I was being so stupid stood their and hear what Kim told me to do so. By the way, they started it first. They just don't seem to accept the fact that they lose the truth.

What I see is that, they keep on teasing us for some VIP something. Which we teased them back as PENGHASUT! On that day, it was a monday morning. They almost give our temper off the hook. But we managed to handle it calmly. All I do there was just to stood and look at them. Making like they always win the game but in the future, they don't.

We started to give them a real big grin with a big fake feelings which is started to annoyed us. Instead, we just keep it to ourself and let it slip through our fingers so easy. Just to say babe, every truth reveal someday and people will know your true colors