Try to find myself some sleep at 11 something but couldn't sleep. Get off thee bed and grab some water and donuts. Sitting on the dinning table, thinking about something went wrong. Hearing the beep of the car outside my window, people screaming and talking at the same time. The aeroplane are on the sky, passing through the condo. Something whisper to my ear and talking to myself. Thinking *Am I crazy? Is this what I really want to happen? I'm gonna lose someone I love most! I'm done, I'm finish. My fairy tales end here.* What ls could go wrong? Spill a million tears. My fingers are shacking and my brain is thinking. Thinking about dialing the number that I should have done early just now. But I'm afraid that I might fall to the wrong steps and make it more worst. I keep crying and try to scream but my voice are not out. Starring outside the street, wondering what have I done all this year. Realize that I'm not good enough for a boy who adores me. Realize that I'm just a person who gets caught up in the past and always try to move out from the life. It's nothing but a failure. A failure to him, a failure to me too! Just that my hearts keep pumping like I'm scare. Scare of losing someone that's really important to me. I'm just afraid that I might fall again. Feet are cold enough as my body temperature starts to get lower, eyes turns to red. Thinking about him right now. >> In my mind was: Can I get him back? Is he having affair with other girl or not? Am I going to be his mrs. in the future or not? Could I go so far in this relationship? Question keep pops out in my mind, answer remains unknown. Heart says keep positive and hold your head up high. Pray for something better. started to cry as I start to think again about the good and bad. Cursing for the bad, pray for the good. Here comes my situation again, repeat all over :/

Loser of the year, me :)

Here's I'am, In Sabah again. This time, I has no smile at all! Its the worst day I ever get. I need somebody to talk to! My boo and I had an issue about misunderstanding. He thinks that I don't love him anymore and feeling don't care. I can't say much but I let the God gives me some clue to solve this problem. I can't go on anymore. I'm worn out on my knees already. I have tired of pretending that everything is okay all this time. So, here's the truth. I had no where else to talk with somebody even my family don't give a thing about me. When I try to talk to someone else, they had an misunderstanding about the stories that I almost try to say. I had enough of the cold night this few days and I can't stand it anymore. I could scream and cry inside but I can';t hold my expression about how I feel today. This not a BEAUTIFUL day. I know this town has been decorated with Christmas tree but I'm not that smiling this year. I always hope that someday people b open minded with me. It's like my life was unfair! I was suppose to be a happy girl but this time, I'm the frowning girl. I will spill it out right now! I need someone to talk things out with open minded. People always had there backs supported but me, I always get the negative position. I end up being the bad guys among everyone??? Being left alone?? I'm pretty down right now and I was very hoping to have someone to cheer me up. But what can I say, I was too worried about what could have happen to me in the future. I need my annoying king now! But I can see that we had an issue, so I would just left it like that. Maybe it's the best if we leave it day way. Through out the year, I know I'm just somebody who finds life was nothing. I admit, I always give up in life>> always! << But what can I do? Tonight, I will be left out and handle this things all my own without any support on my backs or friend to tell. This is the real me. Person who likes to solve her own problems without telling people what happen. I rather be alone with my problems than busting somebody brains. * do not get this too negatively. I know you think your not the best for me >> Annoying king*

The king of mine ;)

Here's something we don't know about someone. I was having a blessing year when I was in 8th grade. I was afraid to tell the truth by that time cause I had someone but I never knew that I end up hanging with him through the phone all night until today. It happen when he started to annoyed me with no reason. It's like that is his thing he really love to do, ANNOYED PEOPLE! At first, I'm really the type of a quite person in class because I don't know how to fit in with others. I hang out with my only friend, kimberly. She's a lot of an athlete in our class as a golfer. For a while he annoyed me, I started to feel like having this weird feeling towards him. I try and try to resist the opportunity to be annoyed him back but what can I say, I annoyed him back. During my season of BETRAY life, my ONLY ONE that I suppose to be trust, promise to be together FOREVER has betray me with someone else but I just make things easy and let him slip slowly from my arms. Slowly and painfully, I feel like there's nothing to left and I just kept myself quite. Without telling anyone about it, I turn myself down to the annoying king. I told him everything what just happen in my life and so does his life too. We share a lot of same and different stories everyday. He was caring about me, talk me out of my problem and make me smile like a clown. I told myself from that day to be strong. At the end of my 8th grade, I was the happiest girl. I'm telling the truth, I smile and laugh a lot around my friends. Playing with pebbles, chasing with the annoying king. What a life! But when it comes to 9th grade, I was dead road. I cry for once in the phone telling his dumping me for a girl. As like my feeling my dreaming in thin air. The annoying king talk me out and told me that don't cry. Your such a baby! He make a fun of me but thou it was hard to smile, in the end I smile like a clown again! Until the day I found myself stuck with him in the 9th grade! Oh yeah, I remember back when we painted the class and you pretend to paint my side with your color. When I try to make a payback, you paint my arms with blue. Thou, we're in a mess but It makes everything clear. I'm happy to be my your side more than his side. You even spent most of your times with me, sharing stories with me and make me smile whenever I was in a sad season. Now, I get the whole picture that I really want to be with you. But who cares! I'm with you now!